人生まだまだこれから。仕事も育児もおしゃれも勉強も…欲張りワーキングくままの奮闘日記!
by mizuhonn
S M T W T F S
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くままとは何者?
ニッポンの片隅でマジメでおちゃめな父『ヒロシ』と、カワイイ顔してドスコイな母『アケミ』の次女としてこの世に誕生、陽の当たる道をまっすぐスクスクと育つ。
2才上の姉『ヤンヤン』(元はネコ、それが大洋王子ようのニックネームで変化)と3才下の妹『ウッキー』(元はサル、同じく変化)に挟まれながら、カラダも態度も一番でかい、かもしれない。
家族とニッポン大好き、スープの冷めない距離に骨をうずめるはずが何を間違ったのかスイートなアメリカンに騙されて気づいたら2人の王子の母になっていた。

現在ハワイ在住。
アイスクリームと青い海、空に囲まれて心穏やかな日々(?)を送る。
将来多分糖尿病か、皮膚がんになる恐れ大。

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I am wondering if I could say I speak English in a loud voice. I am not fluent at all, I can just communicate in English. But do I really want to be fluent? Is it possible living in Japan?
One night, I went to two home parties accidentally. I was invited from my friend, and after that, the other friend whom I went there together asked me if I could go the other one held by his friend. I went to the beach daytime with my boyfriend PJ, so was really tired. PJ was there too, in a kind of party mood. So he was ready to go two parties, then why not…..?
At the first party, there were about 20 people, half Japanese half foreigners. There was the girl, who was the girlfriend of PJ’s friend, named Keiko. She was so happy to see me at the party, we talked together for a while. She told me that she was so impressed by me when we met first time, and has been adored me since then. According to her, I am very social, speak great English and deal with the foreigners on a line, looks so mature. I am not. I am not social enough, speak fake English, just try to speak with his friends in English. I was actually told my English sounded very fluent, where I had learned and how from the other girl who had lived in Canada for a year studied English. Were those people telling me white lie? I did not go to my head, but those compliments made me feel nice. So maybe I tried to be more social than usual unintentionally. Maybe I acted like really western like.
We moved to the second party around midnight. I was tired as hell and was in a bad mood because of that. Plus we had not had enough foods, so were hungry too. My drunken friend had trouble to find the party place, his friend’s house, but we fortunately run into the people from the party on the way. They told us the party was now “break time” because the policemen came over to check it, some neighbors called them. It was beautiful night, so we went to the small park nearby to walk around for a while. I understood at a moment when got in the house why the policemen came over, it was totally “Gaijin-house” atmosphere. The house had two stories, and there were more than 30 people in total. They set up small DJ booth at the each floor, were playing nice suspicious music, now quietly. Maybe they played little louder before the policemen came. Everybody was really drunk. I started to feel uncomfortable for some reason, even though I was pretty much drunk too. PJ was talking with some girl, and I was talking with this friend, Aussie guy who brought us here. There was his ex-girlfriend too, who broke up with him just few days ago. He was mumbling about the relationship with her, why she was bad to him, and started to flirt me. That was okay to some extent. He basically likes flirting with me in a friendly way. But he was beyond the line at that night, started to touch my legs and told me how great I am, sexy and cool, if I were not PJ’s girlfriend, he would have….That was sweet of him, I said thank you, but I was not too fucked up to be convinced him by his white lie. I walked over to PJ, interrupted his conversation with the girl who looked like be interested in him, and went up to upstairs, settled with PJ again. That was comfortable. It was dark, small room and the guy was playing good lounge music. It was more foreign & suspicious atmosphere than the first cheerful party. I liked both parties, but I had to admit I was more comfortable at the first party. I knew the reason when the girl showed up on the second floor to warn us to be quiet.
She seemed to live this house, one of this party organizer. She was small & skinny Japanese. She stood in front of us, and shouted “Warning!” Basically what she said us that we have got to be careful because the policemen came again to tell us that we could still be here because it was midnight, so we had nowhere to move. But we had to be very quiet, no music. What annoyed me was the way of her speaking. Yes, she is real fluent. Her speaking is really western. She said, “Quiet, but have fun,” and left to downstairs. I noticed that most of Japanese who were there, 2nd party, were pretty fluent in English, and somehow had “foreigner attitude”. They were not at the 1st party. Probably I was the one of the most “foreigner attitude” person there. And it brought me unpleasant idea. Was I possibly like her at the first party? Did I look like being so proud about speaking more natural English than others? Was I very snobbish because I could deal with the foreigners equally? Because of that, was I more comfortable there? Not because this second place looked a bit shady? If so, it is the proof that I think Japanese is inferior to westerners. I do not think I think this way, but I cannot persuade myself it is not either.
I have been thinking it would be wonderful if I could be really fluent in English, but now, I am not sure. What is fluent?
[PR]

# by mizuhonn | 2003-08-12 21:23 | English Essay